Picture Dreams

I dream in pictures sometimes. The words and phrases that seem to come to my head in my dreams aren't seen, they're usually heard as panels of action put themselves in front of my eyes. Usually, I forget whatever it is I was dreaming about and I wind up having a distant memory of one of the said panels and pictures that are clearly part of a comic.

It never used to happen. Often my dreams would just be like watching a film and sometimes I was a companion to a Doctor (because that has happened before!) or just sitting down and watching these made up dream like characters on their adventures. They still do of course, but I've recently found myself dreaming things in a comic book format and I really do believe that it's because I've gotten myself writing Heartstones.

Sometimes I wonder whether I've forgotten how to write prose because I'm constantly writing comics or scripts apart from the random scenes that seem to automatically be prose in my notebook. Of course I know I haven't, but there's always going to be that little nagging feeling inside of me, telling me that I'm not doing as well as I should be. But then I think that's more of a matter of self confidence than the actual situation at hand. It was all fine until I suddenly scared myself with the thought that, no matter how much ambition I have or passion that people are forever telling me they see when it comes to writing.

How am I ever going to get anywhere, if that passion doesn't turn the words I write into something that's a piece of good quality work?

Of course, just to down my spirits even further I then saw a piece of writing that I'd done a few years ago (and yes I know I've improved!) and I have to admit it was pretty bad. At the time I was praised for it, which grateful as I was then, it did leave me wondering whether people tell me this just to keep me happy.

Because I'd rather people were completely honest.

How else am I meant to learn? It might be tough, but I've got to be one way or another haven't I? I think... 0_O

And then Heartstones starting playing up. I've spent I don't know how many hours attempting to perfect a few things here and there and I really do worry that it's still not up the standard I want it to be. Not because I'm not capable of making it like that, but because I realized that although I know exactly what's going to happen at the end of the volume, I haven't sat down and planned it throughly enough. Which of course, lead on to a bout of self battering inside my head and wondering about why on earth I hadn't thought of this problem before hand.

It needs more work, because I'm one of these writers who seem to think they're imaginations will tell then what to do. But sometimes, I think it needs more planning so that there's no inconsistencies later on. Plus, I then won't hit any more problems and frustrate myself (which granted was worsened by the fact I was feeling a bit self doubtful) even more.

So my new plan for the next week is to work out everything I need to do with Kathryn (even though I know it's my story!) and sort everything out.

Then I can crack on and write it.